To lead, or not to lead – that is the question!

I’m starting to love and appreciate the weekends more these days because I get to spend time with my wife Gyöngyi (that’s a Hungarian name and it took me ages to be able to pronounce!) and my beautiful little daughter Joy, who is now 11 weeks old! I work full time so these moments are very precious.

This morning Gyöngyi and I had a rare breakfast together, not something that happens very often with a young baby, but Joy had a little nap. We got onto the topic of leadership, especially in relationship to this project I want to create. My dream is to have a forum that is literally not led by any one person, but the flows and directions would be guided by the natural impulses that emerge from the individual’s passions, in natural unison together. Gyongyi said, and I am paraphrasing here, “we always need a leader otherwise when you come together people will just be doing there own thing… so a leader can guide people to work together harmoniously and create the space for others to grow and bring out their talent”. In principle I agree, but I really believe that it is possible for us to let go of this model and work together in what I have started to called dynamic relationship. If you think of any group, class, company etc you are, or have been, a part of the it usually has a very rigid hierarchical structure, in terms of the social order and dynamic. Even in situations that are more informal, with our friends, things we are interested in like sports, we unconsciously assume positions in relationship to each other. This is just how things are and the idea of working together without any one person leading is quite alien, although of course people have been experimenting with this idea for a while, with mixed results.

I was involved for many years in a spiritual community that was deeply hierarchical and overtly rigid in its obedience to this, which was in stark contrast to the message that it we were supposed to be living from the principal that we are One. But when the community dissolved, and maybe because it was so explicitly hierarchical, I started to see a space in myself for a different way of relating. I see this possibility not as a living reality but as a spark of something possible that I would love to explore with other people. Especially as people are really interested in this possibility and are exploring it in their own way.

As these ideas start to form more clearly, or should I say I am forming these ideas in a way I can share with others, I feel called to make this impulse concrete and start this forum. But I really don’t know how! How can I start something myself that I don’t want to be led by one person, without me leading it in some way, at least to begin with! I guess the only way to find out is to give it a go and move into it with an open mind and open heart, working together and finding out with others. Even though it’s a scary time we are living it’s also such a beautiful and creative one where we get to ask these questions and explore things together.

Now I think I better go and do the dishes! My daughter has woken up and I’m not sure if wife appreciates me sitting on the laptop all morning day! 🙂


  1. Sam · September 3, 2016

    I feel that it depends on who is in the relationship. We all interact from our personal state. A group of Budas would be very diderent from a group of politicians. Changing the rules of the group does not change the people it’s an external change. If the people change internally then 😀😀😀😀


  2. Erenj Mendrinos · September 5, 2016

    Ooooo I just tried to leave a long reply shoot shared values and about the question of the ” noble savage ” but it got lost
    Can’t quite face writing it again dear friend
    Just know that I support you 10000 percent xx
    Love to you three xxx
    Ereni xxx


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